4.26.2020

Everything I didn't know about myself

Me, sitting on my bed on a cozy rainy Sunday at 3pm writing this draft right now.
Prepared my own lunch, stand for 20 minutes for it to digest, read a book while
trying to kill time and there it go where my mind started to wander.


I don't even know how do i lose interest so easily. I get bored easily.
Not really someone that could give full focus. Okay maybe i do. 
And when i do that, I shut the whole world off. There is where i started to concentrate.
Got myself thinking and finish whatever I had left. There is also times where I shut off
the whole world, deleting all my social apps just to be alone. Crazy?

Hide from the outside world who don't need me. 
Even if they do, just give me a short break.
Sometime i lose myself from overthinking. Is this a bad sign of adulting?

I'm not running away, but instead, I keep on asking myself: 
What do you want? What are you thinking? 
Is this what you wanted? You won't regret this? 
and yada yadaa yadaa...

After moving out from my own country, I feel like i have grown a lot.
Learning to take care of myself such as cooking, cleaning, learning, self care, self love,
socialize and many more. Also, just recently marked a year of living on my own now. (mini yay)

Let me break down what I've learn about myself so far:

1. I can cook bigger portion of meals where it can last me for 2 days.
Sounds pretty bored for eating the same stuff for days but my appetite really
drop and 
guess what? That saved me a lot after WFH.

2. I can consume more alcohols now. ( not something to be proud of )

3. I can actually run. The last round i ran in the park few days ago?
I could actually achieve 2km in 14 minutes. Not too bad i think to myself.

4. I see the good in people a little too much. Not saying is bad but i'm learning to
hold back. Not worth to do so, when I'm the only one who get hurt.
I realize it's really hard for me to open up to someone new when I even try to
break my walls for a bit and people shut me down when i'm not even showing myself.
( Sorry, brb. Building up my walls again. )

5. Start listening to others and also myself. Do anyone feel crazy about talking to them self?
I feel a sense of comfort of asking myself before making a firm decision.
But of course it always end up a long distance calls with my best friends for hours.
( Thanks for being there for me xx you know who you are )

Okay done bragging about my boring self.
So i've been reading this book by dolly alderton. It's pretty cheeky and true
about modern life and modern dating. Pretty much not something everyone loves it.
Especially me. I have a love and hate situation with modern dating.
There is something about modern dating where they have so many choices,
and no one bother about sticking to one. A little bit of long distance relationship seems
like a disaster to couples. I mean, my point of view is that back in the 80's where couples
go off shore and can only stay contact through letters for years yet the love stay strong.

WHY millennials like us just wouldn't last? Sigh.
But also for those who lasted, thanks genius for the technologies.
Where you can reach to one another just with one click. It's all about the heart, guys.


I really like this point here because tbh i feel like i lost a part of my best friend
when she started dating and we stopped hang out and i miss the sisters time.
I get jealous thooooooo. So jealous .___. 

From my point of view:

1. Family
2. Boyfriend + Best Friends are equally top for me
3. Then so on.

Phew, i think i'm pretty much done bragging today.
xx.




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